Fast Track to Marriage: Find & Remove Your Blind Spots
If you know you don't know something, you stand a chance because you can ask the right questions, investigate and learn. If you don't know you don't know something you have a blind spot and blind spots are dangerous. For example, the woman who confuses "polite" with "kind" and ends up consistently dating men who open car doors but wouldn't think twice about cheating.
How does a person gain visibility to her blind spots? One strategy we recommend is that you turn to someone who can offer you a different , hopefully wiser, perspective along with practical, sound advice.
This person (or people) must have what you are looking to find. While commiserating with single friends may make you feel better in the moment, be wary of the advice you receive from people who have not achieved what you seek.
If your goal includes a strong, happy relationship after 10 years of marriage, the person you turn to for advice must have this already. If no one in your life has what you are looking for, or these people don't have enough time to give you, hire someone who does. The perspective and advice you receive from a qualified mentor can help you find your spouse more quickly and with a lot less pain.
We'd evaluate on 3 criteria in this order of importance:
1) Have they achieved what you are looking for?
2) Can they communicate in clear, common sense terms how they achieved it? And finally,
3) if they are charging a fee what is their track record for successfully helping people achieve their goal(s)?
Are You Dating Your Illusion?
Humans live in thought. We're wired to think all the time, night and day. Get a handle on your thoughts and you've found your ticket to freedom. Ignore your thoughts and you imprison yourself within your own subjective perspective.
Do you have a relative or family friend who knew you as a child 10, 20, 30 years ago and to this day still sees you as were then, not as you are today? And no matter what you do, it fails to shake off their out-dated perception of you? If so, this is what we are talking about.
A person can unknowingly use their powers of imagination to create an illusion that looks and feels real to them, but is completely false. And no matter what proof the person witnesses to the contrary, they still see their illusion, not reality.
An accurate assessment of your date is critical. So what's the antidote if we're all susceptible to our own powerful imaginations? The antidote is humility. Simply being aware that your perception might be illusory, not Reality, enables your mind to be open to another perception, a new thought. And then from that place of humility you can evaluate which of the thoughts that come into your mind are true and which are false.
Don't take our word for it. Test it out. The next time you hear yourself making a judgment, stop for a minute. Step back. Be open to that judgment being illusory. And then see if a new thought comes to mind.
SoulMate: Have You Found Yours?
Soul mates are couples who have an ability to communicate with each other more quickly and deeply than they can communicate with others. Additionally, soul mates can uniquely help each other achieve their potential. While this sounds romantic, the reality of living with your soul mate can be challenging at times because all relationships, even the most destined for success, take work. And that work can entail taking a hard look at yourself and how you can take responsibility for improving the relationship.
Are you wondering if you found you soul mate? Answer yes to these questions and you probably have.
1.I can list several character traits about my date that I respect and admire. And he can list several about me that he respects and admires.
2.I support my date's values (I respect what he sees as most important in life) and vice versa.
3.I can visualize myself actively being supportive of my date's goals in life
4.We've discussed challenges we may face and are prepared to live with or handle those challenges
5.I'm aware of at least one of my date's character flaws and I'm okay with living with his flaw(s). And vice versa
6.We are attracted to each other
7.I've actively worked to improve an aspect of my character and so has my date.